Welcome to Surviving life W/Dustan Jackson.
Today we will talk about the first night that I could not sleep because of my shoulder.
Now I know it has been months since my injury and that it has actually been almost 9 months, 3/4 of the year since my shoulder has not been working.
To give you an idea why this has only started to bother me now, and why it was not so prevalent in the beginning.
You have understand my past.
Why mentally last night i had anxiety so bad I could not sleep, The thoughts were so bad it scared me awake.
What I was thinking about the thoughts that went through my head is how I cant use my arm anymore. how it affects what I will do with my kids.
Why is this only bothering me now.
When I was younger I spent a lot of time in extreme sports this being the case it has caused some major injuries over my life. I have had broken bones and other major injuries So mentally I was prepared for the recovery.
So why does it affect me now?
I feel like I am past my recovery date I feel like I should be getting my arm back so the fact that I am not getting any movement back it scares me and it really starts to sink in that I don't have a left shoulder anymore.
It was thoughts of things that I would never be able to do again. sports with my kids really started sinking in.
It made me think of how I cant work anymore and what am I supposed to do how do I take care of my family,what will I do in 10 years with my shoulder the way it is. What will I be able to do life is really forcing my hand.
I have already had the surgery's they have done all they can with modern medicine and my arm is still injured so now is this what i have to accept.
I'm not ok with that being that my bones grind every day in my shoulder it hurts and I cant use it anymore.